Advice for Disney Weddings & Vow Renewals

While this site is focused specifically on Disney weddings, commitment ceremonies and vow renewals, the advice on this page could apply to any wedding. After all, the only thing that makes the event a "Disney" wedding is your choice of theming and/or location.

A side note: although I refer to "weddings" on this page, the same advice applies to commitment ceremonies or vow renewals.

The problem with wedding planning is that most of us have never put together such a big, complex event. For that reason, each couple tends to "reinvent the wheel" by doing all the research from scratch. However, there are ways to avoid this and keep the pre-wedding stress levels to a reasonable level.

My Own Experience

I did not use a wedding planner or coordinator for my own wedding, so I did a lot of things myself. I learned a lot in the process.

We only had about 45 guests, and we chose a location that provided the catering. While the small number of guests made it less expensive and the in-house catering simplified a few things, in many respects it was no less work than putting together a huge event.

Even so, I still spent months researching and visiting locations; interviewing cake decorators and tasting their work; searching out the right musicians for the reception; choosing the food and drink; picking a photographer; and deciding on the invitations, color scheme, flowers, and other design elements. Choosing a wedding dress, shoes, undergarments and veil turned out to be exceptionally time-consuming.

I also did a lot of things myself, partly to cut costs but mainly so that the event would reflect our personalities and preferences. I did all of the floral decorations, bouquets and boutonnieres, with last-minute help from friends and family. I put together the table decorations and made the favors.

Our wedding was beautiful and we were both really happy with how everything turned out. However, I was also a stressed-out mess for months prior to the event. In part this may have been due to my admittedly obsessive planning streak. However, I participated in a lot of online discussions with other brides-to-be during the planning process, and it seemed they were all equally stressed. Which leads me to the next section...

Plan for Stress

It probably sounds silly, but expect to be stressed sometimes during the planning process. As I mentioned above, I became very tense in the months leading up to our wedding. This took me by surprise. In hindsight, I wish I had realized it was a normal reaction.

Work out a plan for stress relief. It's a good idea to schedule some relaxation time during the planning stage. Make sure you give yourself the occasional day or weekend off from wedding planning. It's easy to lose perspective on the whole situation and turn into Bridezilla (or Groomzilla).

A few de-stressing ideas:

• Simplify, simplify, simplify. Aim for simplicity, because trust me, weddings have a way of becoming more and more complicated!

• Let things go. Avoid getting obsessed with trivia. Sure, Martha Stewart would design her own programs and print them on paper she handmade herself with rose petals she grew, but you don't have to.

• Focus on the big picture. You're marrying someone you love -- that's the important thing.

• Stay within your budget. There are few things more stressful than being in debt.

• Communicate and delegate. Share your needs with a trusted friend or family member. Get others to help you.

• Take an exercise class. Yoga is especially good for stress.

• Follow a healthy diet. Keep sugar and caffeine to a minimum. Drink plenty of water.

• Get a pedicure, facial or massage every so often.

• Take a quiet walk in the woods -- or just sit quietly, doing nothing, and meditate.

• Get a little "laugh therapy" by renting some comedies and watching them with friends.

• Enjoy your wedding planning! It can be a lot of fun, as long as you keep everything in perspective.

General Advice

The very first thing you must do is buy the book Bridal Bargains. It is an outstanding resource and it will become your "bible" during the planning stage. It explains how the wedding industry works, how to pick the best vendors and products, and how to avoid being ripped off. I really can't recommend this book highly enough!

Buy or make a wedding organizer. This can be as simple as a $2 three-ring binder with some clear plastic sleeves in it. This gives you a place to keep all your wedding-related ideas, notes and vendor contracts. If you buy wedding magazines, pull out any pages that have useful information or photos and stick them in your binder. Then throw the rest of the magazine away.

If you are organizing your own wedding, use the resources available on the Internet:

• Check out general wedding information sites such as the knot and Martha Stewart Weddings.

• Online discussion boards can be very helpful and reassuring. If you can find one local to the area where you plan to get married, I recommend checking it out for referrals to good vendors, insights into various wedding locations, etc. The DIS Boards have an active discussion area for people planning Disney weddings; most of the participants are specifically going through Disney's Fairytale Weddings program at Walt Disney World.

For the ultimate in low-stress weddings, consider an all-inclusive location, such as Disney's Fairytale Weddings or a hotel that does a lot of weddings, and let them organize everything for you. You'll still have to make a lot of decisions, but it's a whole lot easier to look through their wishbooks and pick this cake and that bouquet, instead of starting from scratch. Don't worry about ending up with a "cookie-cutter" wedding -- most locations have many, many options and will gladly customize certain things. An all-inclusive location can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be outrageously so. Often they have worked out pretty good deals with their vendors.

If you can afford it, think about hiring a wedding planner/coordinator. Like the all-inclusive locations, wedding planners have a long list of options and vendors they've already evaluated for quality and reliability. If you want, you can simply choose from their pre-selected lists. In some cases a coordinator may have ideas and insights you wouldn't have considered on your own, and they often know the best ways to save on various aspects of the wedding. A planner will also oversee everything on the day of the wedding, which takes that burden off your shoulders. Wedding coordinators can be expensive, and naturally most of them prefer to handle large, complex events.

You Don't Have to Do It All

Here's a shocking fact: you can have a beautiful, elegant wedding without handmade favors, welcome baskets in your guests' hotel rooms, etched toasting glasses or personalized napkins and matchbooks. That's right, you don't have to do it all! A perfectly nice, basic wedding really only requires a few elements:

• the happy couple, ready to begin life together
• a valid marriage license
• an officiant (friend, notary, judge, rabbi, priest or minister, depending on your preferences and the laws of the state in which you're marrying)
• a location (preferably a pretty and/or memorable place)
• appropriate attire for your location, whether it's formal wear or aloha shirts

If you want to have a reception with friends and family, you'll probably want to add (at minimum):

• a location that will accommodate a gathering of your closest friends and family members
• tasty food and drink (this need not be a meal, nor does it have to include alcoholic beverages)
• glasses and napkins, plus plates and utensils if the food requires them
• ideally, chairs so people can sit down and/or tables where they can set down food & drink
• music (recorded or live)

Everything else is an "extra." I know it sounds bare-bones, but trust me, I've been to weddings that really didn't go beyond the list above, and everyone who attended had a good time. Contrary to popular belief, a wedding is not a theatrical production or a pageant. Too often weddings become attempts to keep up with the Joneses. I encourage you to avoid that. There is true elegance in simplicity.

That said, I have to be honest: during the planning of our wedding, I repeatedly forgot about my intention to keep things simple. Every so often Mike or a friend would yank me back to reality and remind me that I was going overboard.

Wedding Checklist

It's a good idea to sit down as a couple, agree on a budget, and decide what items are really important to you. Then you can meet with family members and discuss any suggestions they may have. Also, be sure to work out who will be responsible for what.

You can use the list below as a starting point for deciding what elements to include. However, in my opinion you'd be crazy to do everything on the list. I sincerely hope you'll cross a lot of items off!